those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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