Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
