hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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