I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
