If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
