Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
