So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
