drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
