I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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