No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
