If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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