at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Pants are for mortals
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
