I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
