Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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