It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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