I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
