And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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