I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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