laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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