He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
