I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
