Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
