I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
