I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
