Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize