This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
