Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
