im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
