And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
