He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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