Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
