I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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