why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize