i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
