Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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