It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
