She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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