What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
