Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
