EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
