you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize