He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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