Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she peed on how many people?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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