Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
