Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
