we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
