I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
babies were throwing up all over the place
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
