another moral hangover. fuck.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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