I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
