Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
