He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
