I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
