She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
