If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
