Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
