so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
