so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
