I seem to have left my pride at pride
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
