We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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