if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
