his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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