I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
my poor anus
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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