Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
