Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
