hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
