Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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